Chapter 42
“What, is your subconscious homophobic?” I ask, continuing to be frustrated and
a little annoyed at him for not believing me even though I’m telling him the truth
and spilling a serious secret for his own good.
Because honestly! I could make out with him here! And I would be the only one
who knew that it was real!
I’m doing this for him, to be fair, and yet he persists in not believing me! It’s very
rude.
“It might be,” Luca says with a shrug, still looking down at me. “I wouldn’t think
that it was, but here you are, still not kissing me, even though I keep trying.
Honestly, Ari, being shut down by the figment of my own imagination is very
annoying —”
“I’m real!” I insist again, this time through my teeth.
“Prove it,” he says, shrugging.
“Ask me anything!”
“That won’t work,” he says, turning his head to the side. “Anything you say is
something I already know or think I know. No way to verify that it’s true.
“Fine,” I say, crossing my arms and lifting my chin. “Ask me something tomorrow,
in real life — something impossible, that you’d never predict. I’ll give you the same
answer here as I do then.”
Luca turns his head a little, considering. “That could work,” he murmurs, but then
he turns back to me with a sly smile. “But in the meantime, you and I could, you
know, fool around a little…”
In the distance, my wolf howls with delight.
“Whoa,” Luca says, turning to look for her. “What was that?”
“It was my wolf,” I sigh.
“Really?” he asks, and then the turns back to me, smirking. “Your wolf does…not
sound adverse to the idea.” He leans more fully against the tree now, bringing his
body closer to mine and kind of pinning me back against the trunk in a way that…
12:49 Sun, 10 Mar
Chapter 42
That I do not mind at all.
“Luca,” I sigh, and honestly I have to close my eyes as I turn my face away from
him, because if I spend even a moment longer looking up at the shadows his
long lashes cast against his cheeks…l am definitely going to do something I
regret.
“What?” he asks softly, cupping my cheek in his palm and turning my face back
to his, his hand and his voice both impossibly gentle. “What do you want, Ari?”
And his question…I know instinctually that there are layers to it. That he’s asking
me what I want, but also what I like —
How I want to be kissed.
Where, precisely I want him to put his hands.
Whether or not I want him to pull me tight against him as he presses his mouth
hard to mine — which I decidedly do —
“Luca,” I sigh, as he rests his weight deliciously against me, pinning me back
against the tree in a way that feels….god, it feels fucking amazing, his body
pressed flush against mine. “I want you to ask me a question.”
He laughs darkly and my eyes fly open, already glaring. “Not that kind of
question,” I growl, and he laughs again.
“Fine,” he whispers, playing my game even as he strokes his thumb along the
skin of my cheek. “Real-Ari had my nan’s coffee cake tonight, which is my
favorite desert. What’s yours?”
“Strawberry ice cream,” I answer immediately, “with whipped cream.”
Relief running through me — because I stand by what I decided last time. It is not
fair to be in this dream state with him and be the only one knowing what’s going
on. If we’re going to do this?
As we both very clearly want to?
Then we’re both going to know that it’s real.
“No sprinkles on top?” Luca asks, teasing — because, I mean, it is a very girly
desert. “Of course sprinkles,” I murmur, sighing as I take one last look of him,
“too many.
Like, way more than seems practical.” I take a deep breath, savoring his scent
and the press of his muscled torso against me for one last second. I hesitate, but
then I lift my hands, and let my palms press against his sides, feeling the lines of
his obliques as I slowly slide my hands down towards his hips.
And as I do, just for a moment, I let myself imagine what his bare skin would feel
like under my fingertips.
A hard shudder passes through Luca’s body.
“God damn it, Ari,” he growls, leaning in
But I turn my head, and press my eyes shut, and will the dream to end.
My eyes fly open in my bed and I clench my teeth with a groan, turning and
burying my face into a pillow to stifle the sound of it.
I spend too long with my face buried in my pillow, feeling sorry for myself, cursing
myself vehemently for having a sense of ethics and the willpower to stop Luca
from doing something he’d probably regret.
Because god damn it, god damn it I wanted to kiss him.
And now, who the hell knows when I’ll have the chance — because Luca, he just
wanted to kiss the figment of his imagination that looks like me so he can figure
out how he’s feeling. As soon as he realizes that that figment is the real Ari
Clark?
He’s going to run screaming from the room.
I mean, at least I think he will. I sigh, curling up in my pillows and wrapping
myself up in my soft white duvet, considering it. Because Luca — he still thinks I’m
a boy, and as much as he’s willing to subconsciously consider experimenting with
kissing a guy…
1 think that he is straight, and that I’m just unfairly confusing him because I’m his
mate underneath this boy facade.
I sigh, worrying about all of the complications of this, because Ben revealed
today how tenuous my secret already is. And as much as I’m fine with Ben
knowing… Luca? My mate? It’s a different story — an unpredictable level of
exposure that I’m just not ready for yet.
I’m still hiding my gender at this school, because failing to do so means getting
Chapter 12
kicked out. And I’ve just, just gotten hold of the thing I never knew I always
wanted: a chance at the Espionage Track at Alpha Academy.
And I am not at all ready to give that up with Luca Grant.
not even for the chance to make out
So I sigh, turning over again in my blankets, and I close my eyes and force
myself to try and go back to sleep — a state which feels very, very far away right
now.
Jesse and Rafe wake up early, some kind of Alpha alarm clock that I was not
born with making them rise before sun.
“Up and at “em, little cousin!” Jesse shouts, throwing a pillow into the open
curtain of my nook. I jump and shrick when it hits me right in the head.
“We spies get an extra hour of sleep,” I growl, pulling the blankets over myself
and nestling back down.
“Not if they want breakfast, they don’t,” Rafe says, laughing and yanking my
away, making me shriek again.
duvet
“Doesn’t it just come up in the dumbwaiter?” I ask, sitting up finally when I realize
they’re not going to leave me in any peace.
“Nope,” Jesse says around his toothbrush as he walks out of the bathroom,
brushing as he strides around the room in his underwear, getting ready for the
day. “Breakfast all together with cadets.”
“Oh,” I say, yawning and looking around for my boots. Rafe tosses one in my
direction as he takes Jesse’s place in the bathroom. I sigh and grab it, yawning
so wide my jaw cracks. As I pull my boot on I hope that there’s coffee with
breakfast — because while dream states do happen while you’re dreaming, I’m
not sure that I’d say they let you wake up relaxed and rested.
At least, not the way I’m doing them.
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Awe hits me again as we walk into
the dining hall. My head swivels
around, taking in the gorgeous sight
of round tables set up in what looks
like a damn cathedral. The four—story
ceilings arch high above us, shadows
hiding the light from the chandeliers
and three-story windows that line
,
the western wall can’t reach the The
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corners.
Chapter 42
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I Sa ”
Wow, this is the breakfast room?” I
murmur, kind of shocked as Rafe
walks us to an empty table with eight
seats and sits us down. I smile when
I see dozens and dozens of young
men dressed in cadet black at their
own tables, chatting with friends or
reading through books. These are
more advanced students apparently
we all have breakfast together. The
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“This used to be the castle’s great hall, like the one at home,” Rafe says, sitting
down before an empty place setting and gesturing for me and Jesse to do the
same.
I hesitate, looking around for the line. “Where….do we get the food…”
But my eyes go wide when a man dressed in stark white comes to the table and
gives us a sharp bow. “Coffee or tea?”
Rafe calmly orders coffee for all of us as I gape at the man, who smiles around at
us before walking away. “Do we have…waiters? At breakfast?”
“Why is this so weird for you, Ari?” Jesse asks, already seated on Rafe’s right.
“All of this is available at your house — it’s why I like to sleep over so much. Your
personal chefs are way better cooks than both of my parents.”
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u« Pv) » .
Yeah, but it’s school,” I say, taking
my seat and watching in awe as
another group of people bring us a
selection of toasted bread, butter,
and jam alongside our pot of coffee.
One leans forward and asks softly
lie ?
what hot food we’d like and I blink at
’
her, shocked that there’s more — The
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Rafe orders bacon and eggs, telling her that we’re expecting two more, and
starts to pour from the coffee pot, laughing at me. “Seriously, Ari, why is this such
a surprise?”
“It’s just so fancy,” I breathe, blinking. “I don’t know, I guess I just got…used to
the barracks.”
“Well, dad and Uncle Roger like cadets to understand themselves as deserving
of the best,” Rafe says with a shrug, and I tilt my head, considering that that’s not
a terrible way to think of it.
“The Academy asks a lot of its cadets, as does the life after school,” Jesse says,
smiling at me, clearly repeating words his dad said to him verbatim. “It likes to
return the favor while it can.”
“Fine by me,” I say, reaching for a blueberry muffin — still warm, my god — while
12:50 Sun, 10 Mar
Chapter 19
Rafe fills my cup with hot brown liquid. I smile when he pushes the sugar and
creamer my way — he and Jesse take theirs black, but he knows what I like.
“Morning!” Ben says, sitting down next to me and giving me a warm nudge with
his shoulder. “Where’s Luca?” he asks, looking around.
“I’m right here,” Luca’s voice sounds, dry and exhausted, from right behind me.
1 spin, my muflin halfway to my mouth, to see him already glaring down at me.
Ut-oh, my wolf says, skittering back inside of me. Looks like he’s mad…